


Lying in heaven

by beatofmywings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas dies but it’s okay he comes back, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, and he loves him, but Cas doesn’t know that, dean saves him, just to clarify in case you weren’t aware, well I mean not really technically it was sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 14:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12344334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatofmywings/pseuds/beatofmywings
Summary: When humans want something real bad, we lie.In which Castiel discovers heaven isn’t heaven without a certain Winchester by his side.





	Lying in heaven

The last thing Cas saw before the world went dark was Dean’s horrified face, watching as his very own blade plunged hilt deep into his exposed chest. 

But when Cas opened his eyes again- something he sincerely hadn’t been expecting- he was in a place he did not recognise as earth, in fact, he’d never seen anywhere like it. 

Really, there should be nothing abnormal about waking up in the room the Winchester’s had given him- a room he had yet to fully appreciate after only ever having been an angel inside- but something was different. It were as if this room wasn’t really his, almost like it were just a film set pretending to be somewhere dear to him. The place was just as he remembered it, pristine with not a hint of dust, as if someone had placed a film over his eyes with the perfect filter. Surely the room would have gathered dust by now; it had been such a long time that there should be cobwebs hanging from every corner, but everything was perfect. The cabinets were clear, the light never flickered and the bedsheets smelt like cheap gas station detergent. 

Cas glanced around wearily, his eyes landing on the walls looming around him. They looked solid to the touch, but there was just something about them that the ex-angel couldn’t put his finger on.

He slipped out of bed, bare feet padding softly against the cold concrete floor, and smoothed his hand over the wall.

Plaster covered by light green paint met his fingertips, textured and rough just like he remembered it being the first time he’d run his fingers across it. The memories brought a small smile to his lips: Dean standing awkwardly in the doorway fumbling about how he was part of the family and this was their family home, Sam smiling fondly at him from the bed with a knowing look in his eyes, and Cas wondering what he’d done to deserve a family such as his. 

He smiled wider, recalling how he’d met Dean’s eyes across the room in a silent thank you, and was met with a silent ‘you deserve it’ back. 

Dean, who had given him his home.

Dean, who had burst in the room a second too late.

Dean, who had watched him die. 

Cas’ hand froze on the wall, recalling the reason he had been checking it’s authenticity in the first place. His fingertips slid down to his chest where a gaping hole should be situated, but there was no bloody wound to be found. 

The walls seemed to recoil away from his realisation. 

Suddenly he noticed the silence of the bunker, broken only by the steady thrum of his heart in his ears, reminding him he was somewhere he shouldn’t be. 

He had died.

Where do ex-angels go when they die?

There was no way of knowing whether Cas would go to the same place full angels went when they died, wherever that may be. Technically he was still part angel, as ‘Castiel’ was never created to be human and therefore could never truly be one, however the fact still remained that his grace was gone. What made him an angel had been stolen from him, leaving only centuries of memories and a human brain to miss them in its wake. 

That longing thrummed in his throat and burnt the back of his eyes now, but he ignored it in favour of turning away from the not-wall and venturing out into the dark hallway. 

His padded footsteps seemed to echo louder than they should as he crept down the hall; keeping to one of the walls so he was less exposed. It felt like someone was watching him no matter how empty the shadows seemed. It felt like someone was leading him into a trap.

“Dean?” He called, slowly stepping down the corridor in what he now noticed was only a pair of sweats that looked just like the hunters. When no one answered, he took a deep breath and continued forward, his eyes scanning the area for any sign of threat.

He was dead anyway, but for all he knew he could die in this mysterious alter universe too. 

That would really top off his already lovely day.

Cas ran his fingers over the walls as he crept, still trying to convince his brain that they really were there. They rippled under his fingertips, following his path with an eager determination only law abiding angels once showed. He was one of those once, before he had met Dean Winchester, back when he was someone who would do anything just to say he was an angel of the lord and believe it. Maybe he always had been, maybe he never was. 

The further he ventured the higher his paranoia crept, dampening his palms and making every breath a shuddered gasp. He was lost in a place he knew so well, but he knew for a fact the bunker wasn’t his home unless the Winchester’s were inside it.

But there was no one here.

Almost as if the walls had read his thoughts, a steady humming sound echoed through the bunker, setting Cas’ teeth on edge as he recognised the tune. 

_I’m movin’ on, movin’ on from town to town_

Cas couldn’t help but hear the lyrics in his heart even though his head was screaming danger; the hair on his arms bristling in warning.

_I’m movin’ on, little darlin’, I can’t seem to slow me down_

He recognised that song from long journeys in the impala, when Dean had all but exhausted his five albums and had been forced to dig for one of his dusty reserves in the back. It had crackled a bit at the beginning, but soon the record seeped through the system and filled the car with talk of finding a better place.

Dean had whistled and thrown his head back, closing his eyes even though he was behind the wheel and sung the first line,

_I get up in the morning and it’s just another day_

They’d both known then that it couldn’t have been more true. This morning he’d woken up content and warm, only to be dragged out of bed and tied to a chair by the woman he’d given his trust to. 

He shouldn’t have trusted her so easily, but she had a calming smile and soft hands much like a man he knew; it had been too hard to resist. And just like back then, he trusted the tune to guide him in the right direction and followed the memory all the way to the kitchen. 

And there he stood, swaying to the melody and lighting up the room as their eyes met. 

“Dean?” Cas asked despite his brain screaming that this was wrong, Dean was alive and he wasn’t, but everything else went out the window when those eyes landed on his.

“Cas.” He said with a toothy grin, closing the distance between them and softly kissing him as if they’d done it a million times before. Cas stood there dumbfounded, eyes wide as Dean’s hand found his.

The walls throbbed with jealousy, but Cas ignored them. 

“Morning sunshine.” Dean whispered, gently pulling Cas’ hand so he stumbled with him to the table. On it sat a pile of pancakes good enough to make his stomach rumble, even though he was feeling close to throwing up. Had Dean died too? Had the reaper overpowered the Winchester’s because of him?

No, Dean didn’t just kiss him. Dean would be breaking things and yelling his opinions here there and everywhere by now. This wasn’t his Dean. 

“Just in time for pancakes.” Dean said with an overly exaggerated smile. Cas watched as his freckles disappeared as he wavered out of focus for a moment, like some of the scratched tapes in the cinema room did when they found the chance to watch one together. Except this time there were no fond memories, only the leering sense of dread.

“Where am I?” Cas asked, unable to tear his hand away from Dean’s even though he knew none of this was real. Dean arched his eyebrow and sat down, tugging the ex-angel with him until was almost standing in his lap. 

“Are you sleepwalking? Cause last time this happened you walked into Sam’s room and scared the crap out of him.” Dean asked, smiling at him teasingly. 

“I... don’t know.” Cas replied, peering down at the hunter to try and remember whether his eyes were really that green when he had been alive.

“Hmm, do you need me to wake you up?” Dean asked, his eyes wide and full of humour.

“How?” Cas questioned, desperately needing to know the answer. If he could just wake up from wherever he was he could return to the real Dean, the one that didn’t look at him with such adoration it made his head hurt. 

“Well, I can think of one way...” Dean murmured, leaning forward and placing a kiss on Cas’ abdomen. The touch sent tingles across his skin, setting fire to his nerves and putting his brain into alarm mode. Dean smiled up at him with a glint in his eye, barely there stubble scratching his skin and sending shock waves to his brain. 

Cas didn’t say a word- he honestly didn’t think he’d be able to- as Dean placed tender kissed on his stomach and ran a hand down his rib cage. This was wrong, so so unbelievably wrong, but Cas couldn’t bring himself to make it stop.

Perhaps this was his heaven, an eternity with Dean the way he wished he’d felt for him. Perhaps he could be happy here, pretending everything that happened didn’t exist and all that mattered was Dean’s lips worshiping his body, touching it like he was made of pure gold. Perhaps he could smile and forget his past, perhaps he could interlink their fingers and let Dean wake him up from his supposed sleepwalking. He could do it. He knew he could.

But he wouldn’t.

Because that lingering sense of dread was now brimming on the edge of insanity.

Something was telling him this wasn’t right. He could still remember dying, could feel the cold blade perturbing from his chest and the inexplicable pain that took hold of his nerves and wrung them out. Normal humans in heaven forgot about the bad things that had happened, subconsciously choosing to only remember the good. Some didn’t, like hunters or war veterans, but Cas knew if he had a choice he would forget. He wanted to escape what he’d done to the angels and the Winchester’s and humanity, he wanted to cleanse his palate and start afresh. But he hadn’t, he remembered. He couldn’t live with remembering. 

He couldn’t live with himself. 

Begrudgingly he stepped away from Dean and looked up, willing himself to resist the imaginary string tugging his heart back forward, and took a deep breath. 

“Cas?” Dean asked, the humour falling from his voice and being replaced by confusion. 

“Where am I?” Cas asked again, meeting Dean’s eyes with a look he knew he’d given the hunter many times before. It whispered tell me the truth. Tell me what I deserve to know. 

“You’re home angel, with me, remember?” Dean replied, standing up and trying to step closer again. Cas took another step back, eying Dean wearily as his eyebrows scrunched together. 

“Dean, I died.” Cas said quietly, the words feeling strange on his tongue.

“...what?” 

“You were there at April’s house, and now you’re here in this place that I know for a fact isn’t earth. You’ve never kissed me before, you’ve never called me angel endearingly, we’ve never even had a conversation relating even remotely to our feelings so please, Dean, where am I?” Cas pleaded, his desperation to be alive coming back tenfold. He needed the real Dean. He couldn’t leave him the way he did. 

“Cas... are you okay?” Dean asked, reaching across them to place a palm to his forehead. Cas pushed the hand away with a little more force than necessary, but if he allowed himself to give in to the drug like touch’s he’d never be able to drag himself away again.

“Dean, I may not be an angel anymore but I was one once. Tell me the truth.” Cas demanded, standing as tall as possible to try and intimidate his own paranoia still lying in his gut. 

Cas watched as the emotion slid of Dean’s face, as if someone had pushed the restart button and stood back to watch it reboot. The Dean that had just smiled and called him angel was gone; replaced by the new version who was here to deliver news Cas didn’t think he wanted to know.

“I... you’re in heaven.” Dean said, his naive facade completely dropped and his voice resembling the worn down hunter he knew. The answer threw Cas head first into a brick wall. How was he in heaven without even realising it?

“You’re not an angel anymore, humans perceive heaven differently, you never could have recognised it.” Dean answered before he even voiced his thoughts out loud, proving with evidence this was all a concoction of his mind. 

“He’s fighting for you, back down on earth. Trying to bring you back.” 

“But, he can’t. Not without selling his soul.” Cas said in panic, wondering how much time had passed since the light had faded from his eyes. Dean smiled at him without it reaching his eyes and slowly stepped forward, watching carefully for a reaction as he reached for his hand once more. Cas allowed him, just out of curiosity and not because he’d missed those warm fingers curled around his despite trying to resist. 

“It doesn’t matter, none of it does anymore. You’re dead Cas, this is your heaven with me so you may as well enjoy it.” Dean said without looking up, instead staring at their hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

“I can’t be dead, I can’t leave them. They’re my family.” Cas panicked, his eyes searching the room for a doorway he knew was hiding beneath the fabric of his heaven. If he could just find it he could make his way to the portal. Everything else he could figure out along the way.

“They’re still your family whether or not you’re alive. But it was your time to go, they need to let you go.” 

“I can’t let them go, they need me.” Cas said distractedly, his brain focused on escaping.

“Even as a human?” Dean asked, forcing Cas’ brain to screech to a halt along with his plans of escaping. Even if he could get out he didn’t have a body to return to, he’d just be a lost soul trapped between life and death like all the other spirits the Winchester’s hunted. If he left here, he’d go from being their family to their prey in a matter of seconds. He couldn’t make them watch him die a second time, especially if he couldn’t keep his sanity along the way.

And besides, even if he could get out what use would he be anyway. He was human now. He was nothing.

“You see Cas, it was your time. They’ll move on and so will you. And besides, you’ve got me to keep you company.” Dean said softly, tightening his grip on Cas’ hand and smiling one of his signature smiles. 

Cas looked at him with tears blossoming in his eyes, because he was right. They would move on, they always do. He had died before after all, and they’d never tried to bring him back before. 

“I’ll be here forever?” Cas asked quietly, recalling the shifting walls and the not quite right bunker. 

“Forever may seem a long time, but you know how heaven works. Up here, time doesn’t even exist.” Dean replied, brushing a thumb over Cas’ jaw lovingly. It still felt wrong, and now that Cas knew this Dean wasn’t real he seemed wrong too, but he never was one to complain. He could stay. 

He hadn’t much choice in the matter anyway. 

Dean smiled softly and lent down slightly to kiss him again, this time actually receiving a response as Cas kissed him back. His lips were soft against Cas’ chapped ones, and the ex-angels stomach took flight with what humans called butterflies as fingers slipped into his hair and tugged softly.

But when dean pulled back, there was only darkness.

It had shifted.

The ground seemed to move beneath his feet, the walls vibrated in time with a high pitched noise that reverberated around the entire bunker and formed cracks in the tiles, and his body was on fire. Cas dropped to the floor, his head splitting open with the weight of an unknown pressure pumping through his blood whilst the pitch only got higher and higher, to the point where he feared for his life.

Everything was pain, everything was noise, everything was walls.

They had gotten closer without Cas even noticing, perhaps that was their goal all along, and now they were pressing up against him like an animal trapped in a cage. He tried to scream but the sound was lost to the piercing noise of the particles in the air splitting and disappearing, leaving to go who knows where.

The entire time Dean just stood there, looking down at him with a contemplative look on his face. Cas looked up at him with bloodshot eyes and gasped for help, anything that would release him from the torture his supposed heaven was putting him through. In all his time as an angel, he’d never heard of anything like this before.

“Well I never.” Dean said quietly, and despite the noise in the room Cas could hear him perfectly. Dean knelt down as blood began to seep out of the ex-angels ears and eyes and mouth, whispering something that was lost to the darkness.

Then all was bright.

“Dean?” Cas croaked, gasping as his eyes opened to a sunlit, ruined room with his hunter standing in the centre of it. He didn’t know what was happening, but it didn’t matter. Dean was here. Dean had come to find him.

“Hey. Hey! Yeah.” Dean said quickly, sounding like he had just ran a marathon as he lent down to the chair Cas was slouched in.

“...and Sam.” Cas said as he turned his head and saw the other Winchester lying on the floor in a pile of clothes and debris, looking almost as shocked to see him as Cas was.

“Cas, you’re okay.” Sam said, sounding confused by his own words. What had happened that he didn’t know about?

Dean was still looking at him with such a look of relief Cas felt like he should give him space to sort himself out, but then he sighed and stood up straight, his facade falling back into place.

“Never do that again!” Dean demanded, probably referring to the whole stabbing incident Cas was only just remembering. If the ex-angel had been anyone else he wouldn’t have seen the weight lift off Dean’s shoulders as soon as he realised he was awake, but he wasn’t anyone else.

“All right.” He said, looking up at Dean with the same confusion mirrored on Sam’s face. Despite the silly agreement, Dean still looked slightly relieved to hear him say it.

“But I’m confused,I know she stabbed me, but I'm – well, I don't appear to be dead.” Cas said slowly, looking up at Dean as his whole expression changed and he looked away awkwardly. He turned to Sam, and motioned to how he was still sat on the floor.

“Well, you got dinged.” Then he turned back to Cas.

“And, uh, you.” A small smirk crossed his features. “I made a deal with her. Said she wouldn't get kabobed if she brought you back.” Then Dean smiled properly, his eyebrows raising in the same way they always made Cas that little bit happier. “She brought you back.”

“You lied.” Cas said with almost the hint of a smile, despite the situation fondness blooming in his stomach for the human he’d fallen for.

“I did. I do that.” Dean replied, holding Cas’ eyes as the ex-angel regarded him with a new sense of love.

Because in a place far away from here, in a heaven that was ripping at the seams and destroying itself from the inside, a human had whispered words to him from a long time ago.

 _“When humans want something real bad, we lie.”_  
 


End file.
